Tips for Smooth Swinging

Things that make you go hmmm????

The choices you make and the perceptions you have ultimately set the tone for how much fun you get out of swinging. These tips come from my own past experiences; both successful times and those monumentally screwed-up.  I hope some of them will be helpful in getting you started in the right direction.

  • Make the experience your own. Whether you are attending a house party, a swinger convention or a site-sponsored themed event, it will be what you make it and remember that there is no ‘norm’. Dress in what makes you comfortable and in what helps you express yourself. You’ll never be the most conservatively clad and you’ll most certainly never be the most risqué.
  • Don’t over-imbibe. Not only will you not be able to undo any ridiculously asinine act you do, but you also cannot make a 2nd ‘First’ impression. It is VERY common to use liquid courage to make you comfortable in unfamiliar surroundings in unchartered waters. However, you lose the ability to make safe choices and you may really, really regret what you remember you’ve said, sang or done. Besides, throwing up on someone’s shoes is not how you make friends…in any lifestyle.
  • Don’t ‘take one for the team’….unless you ultimately don’t mind. You will resent your partner and that could grow into a bigger problem. Taking one for the team is an expression used for when one partner wants to hook up with a person and you are left to hook up with their, less-desirable counterpart. Read: Hot girl with ugly, old, overweight guy or hot guy with ugly, skanky, girl with gnarly teeth….it’s honestly too bad that couples don’t always come in the exact same level of attractiveness.
  • Do be discrete. If you are open about your lifestyle choice, it doesn’t mean the neighbor or co-worker you run into at an event is. Be polite, mature and keep the knowledge of the situation between you.
  • Don’t assume your partner/spouse knows what you are thinking and vice versa. You will wind up in a fight.
  • Don’t enter lifestyle situations AT ALL unless both partners are on the same page. You need to start communicating far in advance of attending your first party and keep communicating during and as well as afterward. Talk about everything from what turns you on, to what turns you off, to what makes you nervous by taking this step, to what boundaries you have. Be honest and open and leave nothing to interpretation. Don’t think you can convince your partner it’ll be okay if they are not on-board with the idea of swinging…and don’t think that you can be convinced.  If one of you isn’t ready, then find other ways to keep you both entertained and passionately satisfied with your sex life.
  • Don’t play chicken….for example, don’t see how far you or your partner are willing to go and don’t play mind-games. Other people can get the sense something isn’t right between a couple and they will run far and fast from it. Your relationship isn’t a game and if you treat it like one, it won’t last.
  • Don’t argue in public. It’s a huge turnoff to everyone and you will furthermore be known as ‘that couple’. This refers back to drama as explained in the Swinging Dictionary.
  • Do be conscious of personal grooming and hygiene. I like to use the Rule of 3 (Shower, Shave and Breath). You want to be clean, have your private areas manicured and have fresh breath. Always! Mints or gum are highly recommended for smokers.
  • Do be totally honest about your boundaries as a couple in play situations…up front. Nothing is more uncomfortable than one person freaking out in the middle of an otherwise hot encounter…just because something happened that they didn’t call as off-limits ahead of time.
  • Don’t set your expectations so high that you never have any fun because you’re looking for the perfect situation or couple. You could come off as snooty and unapproachable. And THAT won’t get you laid 😉 Besides, if you are only looking for ‘Barbie and Ken’…you may find that Barbie and Ken aren’t looking for you!!!
  • Do figure out what you like, what you don’t, and what you’re willing to consider as you go along your way….don’t pre-judge a situation or a potential experience. Enjoy it for what it is and be open to see where it goes….it may end up being the funniest or hottest story you have to share with us!
  • Pick a safe word…..a ‘let’s get the hell out of here’ word between the two of you…so if you want to escape but can’t seem to get your partner away for a private conversation, you can give them the hint that you want out without having to broadcast your intention. It should be a word you can fit plausibly into a sentence. We picked the word ‘Armageddon’ and then laughed trying to figure out how we could put it into a conversation without just screaming ARMAGEDDON! It was so obvious! So we ended up telling practically all of our lifestyle friends our new word….therefore, it’s not so much a ‘safe word’ now. It’s just a funny story.

Mrs Toto

 

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