Is Being a Swinger the Right Choice For Me?

Wikipedia defines swingers, or swinging, as “ non-monogamous behavior, in which partners in a committed relationship agree, as a couple, for both partners to engage in sexual activities with other people, sometimes referred to as recreational or social sex.”  I suppose this is as good a definition as any, though there are many single people, more men than women, who participate in the lifestyle as well.

It is certainly not an activity to be undertaken without considerable discussion and contemplation. Why are you interested in swinging?  Do you have friends in the Lifestyle?  Are you looking to “spice things up in the bedroom”?  My wife and I ended up in the Lifestyle almost by accident.  Though we both had some passing experience in previous relationships, we weren’t really looking to get involved when we did.  We met some people that were involved with the local swinger community and became quite good friends.  During the course of our friendship, we began to attend some lifestyle parties and before we knew it, our friendship base consisted almost entirely of swingers.  That was over seven years ago.  While our level of sexual involvement varies greatly, the friends we have made along the way have become like an extended family.

Probably the first thing you should consider is your overall level of involvement.  A lot of people assume that all swingers swap partners and go to separate rooms and have sex.  While that is certainly an option, it is not the only one; actually it is probably not even the most common.  Some couples insist on being in the same room; others are “soft swap”, meaning they will not have actual intercourse with anyone except their own spouse.  There are many other variations such as, girl on girl only, group sex, voyeurism, etc.  The main point being that just because you are swinging doesn’t mean you are necessarily swapping.  Find your level of comfort and go from there.

Probably the biggest reason people shouldn’t swing is an inability to separate love and sex.  It is one thing to fantasize about bringing other people into your bedroom, it is quite another to actually experience it.  I’m not saying it can’t be incredibly arousing.  I’m saying you must be able to see your partner in a different light.  Seeing them do things with others that they had only done with you can be arousing or it can destroy a relationship.  That might sound a bit extreme, but I promise you it is not.  We have seen people become completely unhinged at the sight of their partner with someone else for the first time.  Take the time to talk things out and know where your boundaries are.  You don’t want to be trying to figure that out while sitting in someone’s hot tub sucking down your fifth glass of liquid courage.  I can almost guarantee you that won’t end well.

With good communication and reasonable expectations taking your first steps into the lifestyle can be amazingly exciting.  If your main goal is to “get some strange”, you are probably more likely to end up in divorce court.  I would love to hear from some newbies who have taken their first steps!

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